Rules: Hell's Kitchen

(It's been a while, so if you're wondering how to play in these pools, check out the Rules of the Games.)
Choose 4 chefs. These will be your weekly point-earners (though they may also cost you points). Each week, they will be scored (-10 to 10) on seven basic traits: Master Chef/Cafeteria Lady, Hardworking/Lazy, Smart/Stupid, Charming/Unpleasant, Strong/Weak (of character), Schemer/Sucker, Team Player/Divisive. Each will also get bonus points (Delicious!) and penalty points (You Could've Killed Someone!!!) based on whatever happens that week.

In-game events also represent points:
Luxury Winner (team): +5
Luxury Winner (individual): +15
Kitchen Immunity: +10
Individual Immunity: +25
Complete Dinner Service: +10
Best of the Worst: +5
On the Chopping Block: -10
Roasted: -25
When you lose a chef, pick a new one.

Chef Ramsey Bonus
Face it, you're not watching Hell's Kitchen for these idiots. You're watching it for Ramsey. Every week, you are called upon to choose Ramsey's MOOD (well, his principal mood at any rate). If you chose correctly, you score all of Ramsey's points for that week. His points will of course be based on whatever badass stuff he says and does to the chefs of Hell's Kitchen. The moods you may choose from are:
ANGRY
DISAPPOINTED
PATIENT
AMUSED
PROUD

Roast Bonus
Each week, you may also score 25 points if you correctly guess who the roasted chef will be.

The pool will be updated after every episode. There will also be an example made after the first.

Rules: Amazing Race

Choose 3 teams. These will be your weekly point-earners (though they may also cost you points). Each week, they will be scored (-10 to 10) on seven basic traits: Fast/Slow, Lucky/Unlucky, Strong/Weak, Smart/Stupid, Together/Divided, Schemer/Sucker, and Open-Minded/Ugly American. Each will also get bonus points (Leading) and penalty points (Trailing) based on whatever happens that week.

In-game events also represent points:
Yield Used: +20
Yielded: -20
Fast Forward Completed: +25

As does the ranking:
First: +50
Second: +40
Third: +30
Fourth: +20
Top Half: +10
Bottom Half: -10
Third Last: -20
Second Last: -30
Dead Last: -50 (-40 on non-elimination leg)

When you lose a team, pick a new one.

Finish Line Bonuses
Each week, you may also score 25 points if you correctly guess who the eliminated team will be and 25 points for who the winning team will be.

The pool will be updated after every episode. There will also be an example made after the first.

Rules: Survivor

Choose 4 castaways. These will be your weekly point-earners (though they may also cost you points). Each week, they will be scored (-10 to 10) on seven basic traits: Hardworking/Lazy, Strong/Weak, Smart/Stupid, Charming/Unpleasant, Schemer/Sucker, Under the Radar/Target, and Giver/Taker. Each will also get bonus points (Surviving) and penalty points (Dying) based on whatever happens that week.

In-game events also represent points:
Luxury Winner (team): +5
Luxury Winner (individual): +15
Tribal Immunity: +10
Individual Immunity: +25
Exile Island: -10
Hidden Immunity: +25
For each Vote against: -5
The tribe has spoken: -25
When you lose a castaway, pick a new one.

Tribal Council Bonus
Each week, you may also score 25 points if you correctly guess who the eliminated castaway will be.

The pool will be updated after every episode. There will also be an example made after the first.

Rules: So You Think You Can Dance?

Choose 4 dancers. These will be your weekly point-earners (though they may also cost you points). Each week, they will be scored (-10 to 10) on 5 traits for each dance number (including solos, but not group dances): Choreography, Costume, Technique, Performance and Judge Love. Each one will also get bonus and penalty points (Good and Bad Moves) based on whatever happens that week.

In-game events also represent points:
Being in the bottom: -5
Eliminated: -25
When you lose a dancer, pick a new one.

Judge Bonus
In addition to your 4 dancers, you may also pick 1 judge who will be scored (-10 to 10) on Costume, Personality and Judgment each week, as well as for Good and Bad Calls. You may choose between Nigel, Mary and the Revolving Chair (risky, but could be profitable). You may not choose Cat. That would be a game breaker. Mmm... Cat.

The pool will be updated after every Thursday reveal show.

Rules: Big Brother

Choose 4 house guests. These will be your weekly point-earners (though they may also cost you points). Each week, they will be scored (-10 to 10) on seven basic traits: Worker, Schemer, Charmer, Thinker, Competitor, Under the Radar, and Entertainer (based on diary room material). Each one will also get bonus points (Renovating It) and penalty points (Slumming It) based on whatever happens that week.

In-game events also represent points:
Head of Household: +25
Veto Winner: +15
Vetoed: +5
Food Competition Winner: +10
Luxury Winner: +5 to +25
Nominated for Eviction: -10
For each Vote against: -5
Evicted: -30
When you lose a house guest, pick a new one.

Eviction Bonus
Each week, you may also score 25 points if you correctly guess who the evicted house guest will be.

Julie Chen/Big Brother Fuck Up side-game
At the start of the game, choose a number to represent how badly Julie Chen and Big Brother will mangle the season with flubs (1 point), inane questions (5 points), missed opportunities and twists blown too early (up to 50 points). At the end, whoever came closest to that number (yeah, you can go over, Price Is Right rules be damned!) scores an extra 100 points. It might make all the difference!

The pool will be updated after every Wednesday eviction show. There will also be an example made after the first episode.

The Rules of the Games

How does this blog work?
For people who want to run friendly pools about their favorite reality show contests, and would like to beyond the simple "choosing the winner" scheme, this website will offer a more complex, and definitely snarky, weekly scoring system. Participants of various shows will be scaled on various qualities relevant to their contest (there's not much dance technique in Survivor, nor is being "Under the Radar" a positive thing in So You Think You Can Dance, for example), and win or lose points based on each week's events (cool and not). Each game has its own specific rules, clickable in the side bar.

Who keeps track of the points?
You do. You can archive your choices and point totals in the blog's comment sections if you need to, but what you do with your points is your own business. It is simply meant as a play aid and a bit of comedy. Adapt the rules for your group. Put up a prize or don't.

What shows will Reality TV Bites Ass cover?
Only the ones I watch, obviously. Our first games will be Big Brother 10 and So You Think You Can Dance? 4 (from the top 10, I wasn't able to get my shit together before then), and eventually Survivor, Amazing Race and Hell's Kitchen.

This looks familiar. Where'd you steal it from?
Years ago, I liked to participate in online pools that had the same kind of content. I'm not sure if they're still online or what. What I've done is traded the prize support and ability to archive hundreds of pools for people for a porn-free, spyware-free web environment.